and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
