i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
