The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
