Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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