i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
