First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
