He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
