North Korea, Best Korea!
i already hear my dad disowning me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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