the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
even my farts smell like vagina
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
