And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Your cock deserves a montage
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
