He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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