Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
