just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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