Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
