just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
