but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
