the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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