matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
