Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
