Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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