I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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