walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
