is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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