I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
its not stalking. its research.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
