At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
