im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
