just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
