Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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