On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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