i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
