Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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