im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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