Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
