I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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