We won't sleep together?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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