you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
