she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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