My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
