3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
