Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
