I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
