The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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