there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize