Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
