What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
