My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
