Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
