so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Randomize
