we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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