she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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