half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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