Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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