so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I party with great urgency now.
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