my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
