Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
