your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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