So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
