Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
