She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
