At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
