I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
