I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
