Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
