Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
