walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
