come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
