So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I want a musical about memes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
