I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
