I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I party with great urgency now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
