If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
