Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
