We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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