nut hugger
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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