i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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