Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
