Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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