Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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