I wish I could teleport
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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