He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
