guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wanna go halves on a baby?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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