Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
