Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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