All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
