my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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