Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
