Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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