i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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