Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
