I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
