Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
