I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
