the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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