I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
