I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
