Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
