I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
