Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
