I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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