You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
