Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
