My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
