I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
