I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
