New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
