I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
