dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
