My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
