Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
