my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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