he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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